not freaking out

okay, so my lab results came back and my doc says they "hint at lupus." so, we meet again in three weeks to check in and then she's referring me to a rheumatologist who can look over my charts, recommend additional testing, and monitor my condition.

im not really phased by it this time around... (a year and a half ago a doc told me i had lupus [and later called me to say i didnt and more tests needed to be done])... apparently i actually got all of the freaking out done back then.

here's what i think helps me not be in freak out mode:
1. i actually feel pretty healthy (and have for several months).
2. the doc says the tests indicate my organs are healthy.
3. im certain im going to live a long and healthy life (regardless of any disease).
4. my doctor is taking me seriously, and isn't freaking out.
5. my partner (Mr B) isn't freaking out.
6. ive already researched all this and freaked out a year+ ago.

ive also got upcoming appointments with the psych department in order to get a therapist, in part to help me cope with this. im quite excited about the chance to receive therapy and a irritated at how long it's taking to get this part rolling.

a bit

feeling a bit better. although i use "a bit" loosely.

started doing ceramics again a few weeks ago and that gives me something to funnel my energy and emotions into. or perhaps it gives me a place to escape said emotions while actually finding some energy.

im a bit frustrated that the clay is so damp - it's difficult to work with and impossible to keep centered.

today i threw a planter, two herb jars (with one lid), and a mug. a bit of a hodge podge, but since im just getting going again i'm willing to be flexible about what i create.

oh, mercury is out of retrograde. maybe things will make more sense for a bit.