VMars S1 D1

We finally broke down and rented disc 1 of Veronica Mars Season 3, and it's quite clear, even in the first episode of the season why the show was finally cancelled.

Thumbs Down
• Visuals and music in the opening credits were altered - not nearly as peppy and exciting as they try to show a transition from high school to a more sophisticated college scene. A long time ago, we used to sing along but now the song is bor-or-oring.
• Plots and subplots are weak, lack depth, and make no sense... not enough background is provided about why certain PI assignments are relevant to the story line/s, and this kind of thing confuses me and makes me feel like they are just filling time. Not good for a show wanting to draw in new viewers or even retain old viewers.
• Poorly written, tired dialogue which makes the actors look like they aren't good actors. And we know they are good actors because we've already seen two seasons of good acting and pretty amazing dialogue. New writers? Isn't it the policity to usually hire better writers.
• Character development is non-existent (crappy dialogue contributes to this phenomenon). The most you get is same ol' premiss from the last couple seasons - proud but guilt-ridden Veronica, weepy bad-boy Logan, daddy the beaten-up hero, Weevil and his anger-management problem, a bunch of overplayed college stereotypes (we've seen the wild raping frathouse and angry feminist storylines before in many-a-show), unlikely class projects/assignments, a dean who unrealistically threatens to expel students for not giving up information they don't have about other people, and not nearly enough Wallace. There is never enough Wallace.

Thumbs Up
• Recognizable filming locations - although that's really more about our personal lives (living near the filming locations) than it is about the show doing a good job on something. It's just kind of fun going - hey, is that our neighborhood? Yeah - that's our beach!
• Glad to see Wallace, Weevil, Mac and Logan are still with the show.

The real questions... is it worth the $5 and countless hours to watch the rest of the season? Will it get better, and fast? Will feminism continue to be the butt of many a bad joke? Will anything relevant or interesting happen? Or should we just cancel our plan to watch Season 3 while we still have enough left for a mocha?

hoping for false positives

so, this past autumn, at least once but maybe two or three times, my pointer finger and thumb on my right hand went white and numb (like when you're foot or hand falls asleep, only it was just part of my finger and part of my thumb) - the blood wasn't circulating.

i didn't know what to do - i tried warming them up, but they wouldn't get warm (it's way chilly inside and outside in HC), and i tried messing with my wrist and shoulder to see if maybe something was blocking the blood flow. i was a bit freaked out, but figured it wasn't anything to get too worked up about unless it became frequent.

in late january, this finger thing started happening all the time... almost daily... and now to fingers on both hands and to my toes! as you can imagine this terrified me. so i googled some combo of words or another and found a condition called Raynaud's. okay, no problem, i probably have this condition that makes my fingers go numb if they are too cold or i am stressed. its not fatal, it can be unexplained or have other non-fatal causes. cool, i can live with that.

then, a couple weeks ago i got this weird itchy rash across the knuckles on my right hand. they were tiny bumps like flea bites, but itched like mosquito bites. we don't have animals or mosquitos, so it wasn't bugs. i went to to doctor to have this checked out, along with the Raynaud's thingy. the doctor has me give some blood samples and a urine sample for testing.

a week later doc calls me and suggests i make an appointment to discuss the results. sure, whatever.

i make an appointment and doc tells me that this and that test are positive and my SED(?) is elevated and there is a strong possibility it's Lupus. Lupus. shit. i had no clue what this meant, except that a friend in high school once said his mom had Lupus. i just remember her not working and being at home and maybe a bit tired and secluded.

anyway, so doc calls a local rheumatologist and then calls me later that day to let me know i need to have a dozen more blood tests to find out what exactly is going on... could be a false positive (thus just Raynaud's Disease - primary Raynaud's), could be Lupus or another autoimmune disease (with Raynaud's Phenomenon - secondary Raynaud's).

so i read up on Lupus. it sure sounds like i have it, and it certaily explains a hell of a lot of ridiculous symptoms ive been dealing with for the last few years, and some ive been experiencing the last couple months.

last few years
fatigue
achy joints
arthritis
sun sensitivity
memory
depression

last couple months
Raynaud's
night sweats
skin rashes
fever

so... right now... im doing a great job of coping by spending my time wavering between denial and acceptance. it would be a relief to have Lupus - it means all these health issues have an explanation of some kind - i'm not just making them up. on the other hand - Lupus is not cool - people die from it. it is systemic, meaning it can attack all sorts of organs in your body, including the brain! i do not want to deal with kidney, lung, joint/bone, heart/blood, skin, or brain problems. and i don't want to take medication that has a host of side effects worst than the actual disease. i can't afford medication anyway - i don't have health insurance.

so, now, we wait. the blood results should be back next week. lets hope the first set were false positives and ive only got Raynaud's Disease.

What i learned in California

Believe it or not, I’ve learned a lot in California (beyond how much I dislike California and Californians!), and I’m sure it will be another couple of years to unfold all that I’ve gotten from this experience.

In southern CA I didn’t really do much besides make stuff at home. I didn’t take any classes, or go to any workshops, or even do Yoga. Partly it was not wanting to spend money. Partly it was not having a car and not wanting to spend 2 or 3 hours on the damn bus just to go across town and do ceramics. I could hear our neighbors through the walls at all hours, had no furniture, and lived 2 houses from the beach.

In northern CA I'm back in college. I’ve taken at least 3 studio art classes and violin both semesters. I’m taking a stretching class that’s really helping me get ready to start Yoga again (and is similar in some ways). I’ve had half a dozen roommates, lived with hippie drug dealers, been without a fridge or heat.

What I learned about myself:

1. It is not okay to settle and make-do all the time, especially when I don’t have to. If I want something, get it / have it.
2. drugs are not cool. okay, I already knew this. But now, after being in a pretty serious drug culture, I vividly recall why I knew this in the first place.... I don't feel safe around drug users.
3. I need to be very warm inside my home. The blood in my fingers and toes stops circulating when I’m cold – it’s weird and only started happening last semester (as far as I know, but then, I’ve never been cold 24/7/365 like I have on the coast of California).
4. I need real summers that are way too hot for anyone’s own good and air conditioners are required for functioning properly. This is partly about being warm, but also about getting lots of bright sun in my face. The sun makes happy chemicals in my brain, and I like it.
5. I need to live only with my partner – no other roommates – so I can better control the cleanliness, temperature, and noise level in my environment. I like things to be pretty clean in my own home – or at least only be dirty/messy if I’ve left things dirty/messy. I also like silence and lots of it. We've already covered being warm.
6. I need real furniture. no, seriously. my body actually doesn’t appreciate sitting and sleeping on the floor no matter how cushiony the carpet is. I have stupid hip and knee and shoulder and neck issues and can’t fathom what my body will be like when I’ve actually gotten old.
7. I need space to create and store my artwork – not a lot of space, but some.
8. I don’t need to be in school to learn/expand my art skills. What I need is to take at least one painting and one ceramics course each session at a community center. This gives me access to facilities and competent teachers. Plus I get to be around other people who like to do what I like to do, and who generally aren't chatting about their recent drug acquisition/useage.
I need to take violin lessons. When I was 8, my grandma asked me what instrument I would like to play and they’d get me lessons. I thought long and hard and chose violin. She said I couldn’t take violin because it was too hard. I think she meant it was too expensive, or she didn’t want to hear me practice a screechy instrument or something. Anyway, after trying the flute, piano, and guitar I’m here to say, the violin is about 1000 times easier, more beautiful sounding and fun. If they had given me lessons at 8yrs old, maybe I’d have been a world-class violinist by now.
9. I need friends. Even if they don’t come over for dinner or wine or fresh baked cookies. I need to live near people and do visiting and confiding and giggling and occasional outings.
10. I need organic food, a toaster oven, and filtered water. I do not need a refrigerator. I do need a small freezer, just large enough to fit a few pints of Ben and Jerry's.
11. When I don’t live in Boston or other cities with excellent transportation, I must have a car. It is necessary, because I need to be able to go places and not feel like I can’t b/c the bus will take too long.
12. I want to live in Vermont. Okay, I didn’t actually learn this in California. I learned it in Vermont when I first stayed there in the summer. It is so peaceful and beautiful and adorable. There are lots of artists. Towns are small. Housing is inexpensive. It is very quiet. Ice cream is wicked cheap.

I’m pretty sure I could go on another 25 items or so. But I think you get the idea.