know thyself

I remember as a child dancing and singing to Madonna and Cyndi Lauper, wanting to be a famous singer like either of them. I also remember sitting at a table with an old phone, phone book, pad of paper and pencil playing "business" with my cousins, having them call up to order whatever business services my company provided. My "customer" would always have heard of me someplace, as my business was very reputable.

To this day, I have a desire to be known. This theme has come up through several different self-discovery processes over the last decade, and always seems to strike quite a powerful chord with me.

With Louise L. Hay I delved into wanting to be known, uncovering the truth of its existence, and claiming that it is good and right and safe for me to be known. This is an incredibly powerful change of stance from what I remember of my high school days - the fear of being known or recognized. In fact, it felt so incredibly unsafe to be known that I changed my name before attending a new high school my tenth grade year. I also kept to myself, avoiding much attention and keeping only a few close friends. I honestly can say that I have no ability to view this time period objectively and see myself as others might have seen me. I have to idea how I appeared to my peers - and can only say that to myself, I felt fearful, vulnerable, embarrassed, and exposed.

Most recently, one of my life coaches did a powerful visualization and seemingly out of nowhere this desire to be known came up for me again. My coach, Spirit Walker, asked me "What does it mean to be known?" For me, being known is about being recognized, accepted and loved.

I see two kinds of recognition that I value. 1. something of an opposite of neglect or ignoring - truly seeing that I exist, that I am here, the value of being seen or noticed. 2. receiving recognition in the form of praise, acknowledgement of achievement, or an award for creating or sharing something of value to the community, a group, society.

Acceptance, for me, is more simply defined. It is pure genuine acceptance of what is there and who I am without any kind of judgment or expectation. This I liken to how a parent feels for their new born child. In essence the child is "useless." They cannot "do" anything of value and the parent or care-giver feeds, cleans and transports the baby for months and years until it can do some or all of these things for itself. Yet the fact that the baby cannot "do" anything for itself makes it no less precious. The baby has incredible, unequivocal, undeniable, immeasurable worth and value just by its very existence. There is pure potential and the parents completely accept the baby for what and who it is at this very moment without judgment or expectation.

Being fully, truly loved without conditions or limitations is what a baby experiences from its parents. Again, the baby is not expected to produce particular results on its own, it is loved simply by being. And any "wrong" it does, will not lead the parents to hate it or withdrawal the love. Loving requires complete acceptance of what is, and not having the desire to change it.

A deeper awareness came out of the coaching session than what I've indicated above. At some point in my life I have come to accept that longing for something outside of myself is merely a mirror for a deeper need within. So, if I desire a car, that car represents something to me that I need within. For example, perhaps it represents leisure, comfort, prestige, fun, abundance, recognition. It isn't the car that will truly create satisfaction within, because the car is only a representation of an experience or feeling I need fulfilled. And as many cars as I buy, that feeling and fulfillment will elude me until I uncover the true meaning and true desire underneath that desire for a car.

So, if I feel the need to be known, then that desire is partly my own need to know myself, or to be known by myself. If I want recognition, acceptance and love, I have to recognize myself, accept myself and love myself simply for "being" and without regard to anything I "do." I have to see myself as that perfect baby with all of its potential and without conditions or limitations. I must see my magnificence, my beauty and perfect. I must embrace myself with complete acceptance and unconditional love. When I do, I will feel known. I will feel recognized, accepted and loved. Once I come to fully recognize, accept and love myself, I will have no need for anyone in the outside world (the external) to know me fully, for I will be and feel fully known.

To take this a step further, in being fully known to myself, I will make it possible for myself to be fully known by the outside world. For how can anyone truly know me if I do not fully know myself? How can anyone else truly recognize, accept and love me if I do not recognize, accept and love myself. Knowing myself so completely, the outside world will be magnetically drawn to knowing me simply because I am so authentic, so open to recognition, acceptance and love.

With this in mind, I continue my self-discovery, and begin again to shower myself with recognition, acceptance and love regardless of what I find within.

jesus on toast

"if i were a dead person or spirit, and wanted to contact someone living, i would make jesus appear on a napkin or piece of toast. that's the way to get their attention!"

i can't recall who said this, me or db. but one of our brilliant minds came up with this a few months ago. i wanted to share it with you.