Beliefs that shaped my relationship with money.
When I was growing up it seemed that Money caused a great deal of conflict and created extreme distance between people. My parents struggled with child support issues, my mom was trapped in an abusive relationship with someone who had a much higher income than her, and all of this created tension and distance between me and my parents. In many ways, I felt responsible for all this conflict and distance since the child support was for me and my mom stayed with the abusive boyfriend in order to have a roof over our heads and provide for me.
I came to understand that Money creates unhealthy and unwanted conflict and dependence. That people with money hoard it and use it to control others, or withhold it to punish.
My beliefs about Money have really come between me and prosperity. I've seen Money as a source of negative and controlling power, and as a cause of conflict, destruction, dependence, and distance. I've believed that it is better to be without Money, and to struggle with finances, rather than to have Money and experience such negativity.
I've also been influenced by ideas of women being money hungry and greedy. So I often refuse Money and overshare the Money I do receive.
Money tends to be something I see people struggle with. Its a struggle to make Money, its a struggle to get that Money that has been earned, and then its a struggle to let go of that Money when it's time to pay bills or buy necessities. They work very hard to earn very little, or they depend on someone else to provide for them.
If I imagine Money as a person in a relationship with me, Money is a tricky, mean, instigator with a devious face and smile. He is a prankster, cold,
calculating and psychotic. Almost like the Joker from Batman. He is powerful but mean spirited and not to be trusted. The more vulnerable you are, the more he takes advantage of you. He's the reason "no take-backs" was invented.
The thing about Money, is he doesn't trust me either. He doesn't think I deserve him because he thinks I spend frivilously. He doesn't want me to have expensive things or enjoy my life. Money wants me to depend on him for everything, including happiness. He likes having control and power.
How does Money operate in my life? He tends to take from me and trick me by giving me a little so I think I will have some, then he pulls it away. Often I have just enough to get by. But sometimes when I have extra, I use it up quickly.
How does Money feel about me? Like I’m gullible. I’ll fall for his tricks. He likes to
watch me struggle.
Is Money someone I’d want to have a relationship with if I didn’t have to? God no!
There needs to be a shift in this relationship. I need to release my dependence on Money. One way I can do this is by reducing my living expenses and by
recognizing my own role in the relationship and how I play into the "game".
I'd also like to let go of the old Money and create a new relationship with a new Money personae.
I want to accept Money into my life and know that she loves and cares for me very much. I want to appreciate and love her, welcome and cherish her. I want to make sure I spend her wisely but also in fun. I want us to get along with each other.
To make this change real, I will create a new vision of Money and communicate with her more frequently and from a place of love and peace rather than from a place of fear and scarcity.
Today Money is transforming into a goddess - the Goddess of Abundance. Her blondish-brown hair reflects golden sunshine and she smiles knowingly. An elegant and flowing blue and purple dress drapes her body. She wears a silver ring with a pearl in it, and a small silver necklace. She has no need for other adornments. She is a symbol of plentiful and abundant life and joy. I sense a calm and peace surrounding her, and her arms are open to me with love and beauty.
The Goddess of Abundance wants me to know there is more than enough for everyone and I shall have as much as I allow myself. All I need to do is be true to myself and do what I love. Everything else will fall into place.
