Creating what you want: Step 2
Step Two: Know what you want.
In Step 1, I discuss how focusing on the problem only makes the problem bigger, leaving little time for illuminating all of the possible solutions. Ultimately, it can often be helpful to shift your attention to thinking about what you actually want. After all, we could spend days and weeks talking about all the problems and what isn't working and how much so-and-so really drives you up the wall... but that is the same kind of activity that has kept you in the same situation, turning your wheels and getting nowhere. By shifting the focus from the problem (or what you don't want) to what you want, you stop focusing on something that makes you feel bad and begin creating a positive target or goal - something to work toward that makes you feel good.
So, if Step 1 is to shift your focus from the problem (or what you don't want) to what you want, then Step 2 is to know what you want. The fastest way to get what we want is to first know what it is that we want.
What do you want to experience?
What do you want to be doing?
How do you want to feel?
What kind of person do you want to be?
Imagine a friend asks you, "Can you help me find something? I don't know what it is, I just know that something is missing. Please, help me look." Can you feel yourself slipping away into the abyss??? It would go a lot quicker if they knew and we knew what we were searching for.
Let's imagine that whatever you want is like a treasure - your own personal treasure. What is your treasure? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Can you taste your treasure? Does it have a particular scent? Perhaps your treasure is "a good relationship" or "a good job". How will you know when you've found your treasure?
For many of us, it can feel extremely challenging to know what we want. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us we need and what we should want. These messages impact our beliefs about ourselves and our world in subtle and obvious ways making it difficult to know which beliefs we hold actually belong to us and which belong to our culture, parents, friends, etc. Even then, when we are able to pin point what we want, we often define it by other people's terms.
Mostly, we make assumptions about what we want based on what other people define as treasure. "Mom and Dad believe having a corporate job is the best possible way to earn a living, therefore I should have a corporate job." It may turn out that a corporate job does make you blissfully happy. The best way to find out what you want is to start inside, asking yourself what feels best for you, what you most desire. If corporate job happens to come up, great - go for it! However, what if something else comes up for you? Something you didn't expect, or something you had dismissed! Hunting for your own treasure, and finding it, will be far more satisfying than hunting and finding someone else's treasure. Remember, you're the one who gets to keep what you find.
Your treasure can be simple, complex, vague or specific. There is no wrong answer. You can start with something vague or specific, then add or release details as you see fit. Perhaps your treasure is as simple as feeling sense of peace. What is it that brings you peace or gives you a sense of peace in your life? List as many things as you can think of. For me, a experience peace when I'm in nature. This can be in the woods, at the beach, in the desert. For you, a sense of peace may be when the kids are at school and all the dishes are done. Or perhaps when you've completed a project at work or closed a deal.
Is your treasure experiencing a sense of joy? Playing tennis? Driving in the country? Knitting? Being in a good relationship? Having lots of money? Being in a band? Helping other people? Sending your kids to good schools? Making new friends?
If you're having difficulty figuring out what you want or identifying your own personal treasure, you might start with something you don't like and apply Step 1. For example, lets say your car keeps breaking down and this routinely makes you late, plus it costs an arm and a leg to repair... and to make it worse, you hate the color! This car brings you lots of grief! Let's take this grief-inducing situation and flip it - What do you want? If it were a perfect world, what would you have/do/be? It's possible that your answer comes easily - "I would have a brand new Lexus" or "a 1996 Mazda, blue with grey interior." Or maybe "I wouldn't need a car, I could ride my bike everywhere."
Another example might be knowing you are dissatisfied and want to feel something else. What would you prefer to feel? List the emotions or qualities you'd like to experience. Perhaps your list contains words like "peace, bliss, joy, satisfaction, happiness, adventure, calm, excitement." Take each of your words, one by one, and think or write about what that emotion or quality looks like. What creates a sense of adventure for you? When is it that you most feel adventurous, or imagine yourself feeling adventurous - what's happening in that scenario?
Additional questions to consider:
What does this treasure represent for you? What is important to you about finding or having this treasure? What does it look, feel, taste, and smell like? Imagine how it feels to have found this treasure? List those feelings. What else do you do or participate in that creates these feelings or experiences?
When you know what you want, you are also more able to perceive subtle opportunities all around you. This greater awareness can help you make decisions that help you get what you want.
In Step 1, I discuss how focusing on the problem only makes the problem bigger, leaving little time for illuminating all of the possible solutions. Ultimately, it can often be helpful to shift your attention to thinking about what you actually want. After all, we could spend days and weeks talking about all the problems and what isn't working and how much so-and-so really drives you up the wall... but that is the same kind of activity that has kept you in the same situation, turning your wheels and getting nowhere. By shifting the focus from the problem (or what you don't want) to what you want, you stop focusing on something that makes you feel bad and begin creating a positive target or goal - something to work toward that makes you feel good.
So, if Step 1 is to shift your focus from the problem (or what you don't want) to what you want, then Step 2 is to know what you want. The fastest way to get what we want is to first know what it is that we want.
What do you want to experience?
What do you want to be doing?
How do you want to feel?
What kind of person do you want to be?
Imagine a friend asks you, "Can you help me find something? I don't know what it is, I just know that something is missing. Please, help me look." Can you feel yourself slipping away into the abyss??? It would go a lot quicker if they knew and we knew what we were searching for.
Let's imagine that whatever you want is like a treasure - your own personal treasure. What is your treasure? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Can you taste your treasure? Does it have a particular scent? Perhaps your treasure is "a good relationship" or "a good job". How will you know when you've found your treasure?
For many of us, it can feel extremely challenging to know what we want. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us we need and what we should want. These messages impact our beliefs about ourselves and our world in subtle and obvious ways making it difficult to know which beliefs we hold actually belong to us and which belong to our culture, parents, friends, etc. Even then, when we are able to pin point what we want, we often define it by other people's terms.
Mostly, we make assumptions about what we want based on what other people define as treasure. "Mom and Dad believe having a corporate job is the best possible way to earn a living, therefore I should have a corporate job." It may turn out that a corporate job does make you blissfully happy. The best way to find out what you want is to start inside, asking yourself what feels best for you, what you most desire. If corporate job happens to come up, great - go for it! However, what if something else comes up for you? Something you didn't expect, or something you had dismissed! Hunting for your own treasure, and finding it, will be far more satisfying than hunting and finding someone else's treasure. Remember, you're the one who gets to keep what you find.
Your treasure can be simple, complex, vague or specific. There is no wrong answer. You can start with something vague or specific, then add or release details as you see fit. Perhaps your treasure is as simple as feeling sense of peace. What is it that brings you peace or gives you a sense of peace in your life? List as many things as you can think of. For me, a experience peace when I'm in nature. This can be in the woods, at the beach, in the desert. For you, a sense of peace may be when the kids are at school and all the dishes are done. Or perhaps when you've completed a project at work or closed a deal.
Is your treasure experiencing a sense of joy? Playing tennis? Driving in the country? Knitting? Being in a good relationship? Having lots of money? Being in a band? Helping other people? Sending your kids to good schools? Making new friends?
If you're having difficulty figuring out what you want or identifying your own personal treasure, you might start with something you don't like and apply Step 1. For example, lets say your car keeps breaking down and this routinely makes you late, plus it costs an arm and a leg to repair... and to make it worse, you hate the color! This car brings you lots of grief! Let's take this grief-inducing situation and flip it - What do you want? If it were a perfect world, what would you have/do/be? It's possible that your answer comes easily - "I would have a brand new Lexus" or "a 1996 Mazda, blue with grey interior." Or maybe "I wouldn't need a car, I could ride my bike everywhere."
Another example might be knowing you are dissatisfied and want to feel something else. What would you prefer to feel? List the emotions or qualities you'd like to experience. Perhaps your list contains words like "peace, bliss, joy, satisfaction, happiness, adventure, calm, excitement." Take each of your words, one by one, and think or write about what that emotion or quality looks like. What creates a sense of adventure for you? When is it that you most feel adventurous, or imagine yourself feeling adventurous - what's happening in that scenario?
Additional questions to consider:
What does this treasure represent for you? What is important to you about finding or having this treasure? What does it look, feel, taste, and smell like? Imagine how it feels to have found this treasure? List those feelings. What else do you do or participate in that creates these feelings or experiences?
When you know what you want, you are also more able to perceive subtle opportunities all around you. This greater awareness can help you make decisions that help you get what you want.
posted by Amy L. Burns at
9:11 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home