Labels

"Labels and categories serve us only as long as we remember their limits. Mountains are alike in that they all share the quality of "mountainhood," but wind, water, earth movement, and time sculpt each individual mountain so that no two are exactly alike. Just so, a variety of influences shape our own lives... factors, such as gender, culture, role models, genetic heritage, parents and childhood history, body type, appearance, values, beliefs, and interests, influence [each person's] life path in different ways."

Dan Millman,
The Life You Were Born To Live: A Guide to Finding Your Life Purpose

decisions, decisions

Sometimes I get stuck between a rock and a hard place. Often I'm the one responsible for getting myself there.

There are two kinds of decisions. The kind we are excited to make, and the kind that we dread and put off, hoping something will happen or someone else will decide for us. For me, the last year has been full of the dreaded kind. It has been a rough but amazing year.

After tormenting myself for a few days or weeks in complete indecision, and I am frantic enough to try to escape to Cuba, I often come to my senses remembering that I don't have to be so stressed out. I don't have to be tormented by indecision.

At the root of indecision I find two feelings in panic mode, running around, feeding off each other and causing all kinds of debauchery: overwhelm and fear. Overwhelm and fear tend to breed a burning desire to escape. And when I feel the need to escape, I feel it in a gigantic way.

Working on escaping does nothing to solve the actually problem. In fact, it merely provides a distraction, until all of a sudden, the escaping itself becomes overwhelming and I start to panic.

This is usually where it becomes "do or die" and since I'm the kind of person who does and lives, I remember how easy life wants to be, and that all I need to do is stop struggling and listen to my heart. It can take a bit to dig around and find the root of the problem under all that gunky fear, overwhelm, escape and panic. But it's there, waiting to be uncovered.

Coaching uses some simple but powerful questions to help me get going and create a solution. Here is what part of a coaching session around money might look like:

• What's on your mind?
  I'm really stressing about money. I can't afford my place and just want to go somewhere warm and cheap and easy. I don't really want to work more, I want to do the things I love, but I feel like I can't because I need the money.
• So, what do you see as the root of the problem?
  I guess the problem is what to do about money. Do I work more, do I move, do I sell my stuff to make some money?
• What would I like to see happen?
  I would like to have the perfect amount of money to live comfortably, plus a bit extra for fun.
• What does comfort look like?
  Paying small rent, having a couple bedrooms and a nice yard for sun bathing. It also means being warm enough in the winter and not worrying about money.
• What would it take to make this a reality?
  To make this real, honestly, I couldn't live in the house I'm living in. The heating and cooling are inefficient and ineffective. Plus the rent is expensive, considering the cost of utilities. I would definitely need to move. It makes no sense to have to choose between being cold or paying high utilities.
• You've mentioned moving several times recently, is moving something you want to follow through with?
  I do. I really do. It's a bit scary though - kind of a big thing.
• What if you made a list of all the things you need to do in order to move?
  That would be great. Then I could figure out how long it would take me to get ready to move, and set a timeline.
• What can you do in the mean time about meeting financial responsibilities?
  I can work more and let go of anything I don't want to take when I move. Maybe have a garage sale to make a few extra bucks.

The great thing about this coaching conversation is the panic and frustration are disolved once the source of the issue is revealed and we've started to focus on the present and creating what is most desired. When we bring decisions down to the heart level of "what do you really want?" it opens up so many possibilities for actually creating the future. It is amazing how much easier it is to make a decision when considering what we truly desire in life.

What decision have you been putting off?
What is it that you truly want?
What would it take to make that happen?

Being Fully Present

It's amazing how being present and in the moment, not only impacts our own sense of the world around us, but it also impacts how others experience us and our relationship with them.

I've noticed that during different parts of my journey in this life, I have experienced varying degrees of presence. Some times I was tuning the world out and being introspective, deep in thought. Other times I was so greatly intune with things around me, (conversations around me, bright lights, scents) that I couldn't focus on relationships with the people in front of me. And as I experience the people in my life moving through varying degrees of presence, I have come to understand how it feels from the other side of things.

While spending time with others it can feel frustrating, lonely and dismissive to witness a friend's lack of presence with me, or hyper-presence with our surroundings. The most I can do is call their attention to what I'm witnessing, inquire if there is something underneath that they can express, and then be compassionate and loving while they experience this part of their journey, knowing it is not personal. I can also express the level of presence I need from them and ask them to make an effort to engage on that level, trusting they will do their best.

I am grateful for this new awareness because it helps me recognize how important it is to honor myself and where I'm at, as well as honor where others are at in their process and journey. It also reminds me how important it is to my friends and family that I be truly present with them, and if I cannot be fully present, to make an effort to explain to them my current level of presence and how much I am able to give them at that time, keeping in mind they may not understand and may feel frustration or hurt.

What a spontaneously beautiful and inspiring day!

I am inspired as I read Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. There are so many ways this book applies to my past and current experiences, and no doubt it will apply in many ways to my future.

I see myself grappling with the confusion of "What do I do next?" and the fear that I might be missing something if I don't "do" something. It can feel rather paralyzing. Part of what I need to remember is that change will happen at exactly the right time, and all I need to do is be aware and open to opportunities when they appear.

One such opportunity occurred today. It was so warm outside I spontaneously decided to go for a walk to find a place to sit and read. Walking by a wonderful store filled with crafts and art, I noticed a sign about wanting part-time help. I stopped to inquire and talked with the owner. Not only is she interested in possibly hiring me but she is interested in seeing my artwork.

The wonderful gift here is how seeing an opportunity and just inquiring may result in increasing my income. Even if we do not choose to work together at her store, she may still choose to sell my artwork or pass on my information to another arts and crafts vendor.

Fantastic April Resources

If you like Louise L. Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer or any other similarly brilliant folks, you might just enjoy listening to some of the programs offered by Hay House Radio. Free, and no sign up unless you want to listen to the archives.