We all experience down days, no matter how fulfilling our lives are. As much as we all want to experience happiness and fulfillment, we must also be aware that we will have days, maybe an entire week or month, where we feel defeated, down, discouraged, angry, or other “negative” or “dark” emotions. This is a natural part of our human experience.
It is a misconception that being happy or living a fulfilling life means that we experience no dissatisfaction or negative emotions. It is quite normal to experience emotions other than joy or contentment. However, because these times can be painful and/or overwhelming and our culture rarely teaches positive and appropriate ways to process these emotions, we often bury our pain, anger, frustration, sadness, grief, fear and anxiety.
It makes sense that we do not want to feel the dark emotions - they don’t feel good. However, one of the best things we can do for our emotional selves is allow these emotions to surface when they do exist, and to sit with them.
When we do not process these emotions and just stuff them deep within, they may manifest in other, potentially harmful ways months or even years later (e.g. physical ailments or conditions, or as seemingly non-related negative emotions or behaviors). At this point we may no longer be able to identify where they came from.
On the other hand, observing and processing our dark emotions can offer great relief and wonderful opportunities for increased insight. When we allow our dark emotions to exist we are also being true to ourselves and allowing ourselves to be fully human.
Next time you visit the darker caverns of emotion, consider giving yourself permission to be there. Give yourself permission to feel that full range of human emotions, and allow yourself an opportunity to sit with and process whatever emotions have emerged from within.
A few questions to help you along:
- How did your parents or closest family members and friends deal with their emotions? Did they bottle them up or allow them to just be?
- How did these friends and family deal with your expression of emotions? Where you given permission to cry or told not to be a baby?
- Now, as an adult, you get to be the parent of your inner child. Can you give yourself permission to feel the dark emotions?
- How do you deal with or process your dark emotions? How would you like to deal with or process them? Do you have a choice?
- How much time do you allow yourself for processing?
- Do you find that you process these emotions best through music, art, speech, physical or creative outlets?
- What has worked best for you in the past?
It can be challenging to give yourself permission to sit with negative emotions. However, allowing yourself this magnificent opportunity to be fully present and fully human may help you to reach a deeper level of fulfillment in your life.
Please note: It is important to recognize when dark emotions are momentary, passing, and/or temporary versus something more serious requiring outside professional assistance. If you feel seriously depressed, or are concerned about your own or another’s health and safety you should seek medical or professional help.
Labels: Exercises
