Living in the present has got to be one of the most paradoxical experiences I've known. As children we learn to live very much in the future - "When you get older you will be able to...", "You need to study hard so [in the future] you can get a good job or go to a good college...", "And what do you want to be when you grow up?", "What will you think of that when you're older?", "Don't ruin your life by doing...".
Of course, our parents are well-meaning. There is merit in learning to consider the consequences of our decisions and actions, as well as planning ahead for the future. But at what point does living in the future work to paralyze and prevent us from making good choices?
Much of creating a fulfilling life in the present requires us to release our attachment to the past (which can no longer be changed). This is not meant to discount the importance of taking the time and space to heal our hurts, and experience whatever we need in order to move forward in life. However, as we recover from past hurts, it can be more beneficial to let go of the past and begin living in today. After all, no matter how much we cry over spilled milk it won't hop back into the glass.
Similar to dwelling on the past, living in the future (which has yet to occur) can be just as debilitating. During my first semester of college I chose not to pursue a math degree for fear of failure. Growing up, I had always had a passion for math and a knack for numbers, but I worried that the course of study would be too difficult. I feared that ultimately, I would be proved stupid. For many years later, I felt regret regarding that decision. I made a significant decision based on something that hadn't happened yet, and may not have ever come to pass.
Choosing not to pursue a passion or avoiding making a decision based on the unknown doesn't prevent the unknown from happening. Imagine if we stopped buying and drinking milk just because we might spill it. Or we chose not to go to college because we might not graduate cum laude. We may merely be preventing our own nourishment, success and joy by allowing the unknown to impact our lives so greatly.
These may be extreme examples, but how many times have you decided to pass up an intriguing opportunity or even a simple enjoyable moment because of what may or may not happen? Remember my friend (see
March 2004) who enjoyed a wonderful bonding experience with her children because she chose to allow the floor to get dirty?
Part of self-care and living in alignment with our life purpose is choosing to live fully in the present, not in the past or future. Living in the present means doing things that nourish us, being who we really are, not accepting less than we deserve, and living for true fulfillment. Next time you feel the "what ifs" coming on, consider asking yourself the following questions:
- What is the worst-case scenario, or in other words, the worst that could possibly happen?
- What does that mean for me?
- Will this choice bring me closer to my goals and life purpose?
- Is this choice in alignment with the things I believe are important to me (e.g. love, family, success, joy, connection)?
You may find that living in the present actually creates a sense of success, joy, nourishment, connection, prosperity and abundance -- all the things we work so hard to attain in the future. Therefore, by creating what we want for the future in the present, we get to enjoy prosperity right now!
Labels: Exercises
