Powerful Listening

Recently a colleague asked some beautiful questions about the power of listening, and how powerful listening impacts relationships, business, etc. I loved reflecting on the role of powerful listening in my personal life and wanted to share these thoughts with you. My response to her question:

As my listening skills have developed over the years, I have found some of my very old friendships deepening in response. These deepening friendships are usually with people who have always been willing to listen and hear me, on some level. It seems that as my listening skills increase (and people experience powerful listening), their listening skills increase, too. I love this!

In some instances I have needed to teach the people in my life how I want to be listened to, and then ask them for that kind of listening when I need it. This means I need to be (or become) very tuned into my own needs.

My partner and I occasionally remind each other that we need a particular kind of listening... (supportive, problem solving, celebrating, or objective outsider) “Right now, I need to vent...” or “Right now, I need you to find something to celebrate in what I’m saying.” Or we ask each other “How do you need me to listen right now?” Powerful listening is probably one of the three biggest factors in our incredible closeness.

Also, I find that I no longer maintain contact with former friends whom I did not feel truly listened to me – perhaps I could never get a word in, they talked over me, or they didn't want to learn a new way to listen. Usually these friendships felt very draining for me and one-sided, rather than supportive, cooperative and mutually fulfilling. It made sense for the relationship to end.

Of course, releasing draining relationships has opened in me the energy and space to develope new beautiful, nurturing, deep friendships with folks who really do listen in the ways I need. And I provide that same care and quality of listening for them as well.

April Showers

April showers bring May flowers...

I’ve always thought of this rhyme as a metaphor meaning “even the bad things can have good results.” The clouds and rain showers are things that humans generally do not appreciate and enjoy, but they make the flowers grow and we do love those, right? That’s a nice enough message :)

The other night as I was contemplating everything that had synchronistically come together in my life to make it possible for me to enjoy a summer in Europe, it occurred to me there is yet another meaning.

If we consider the rain showers to be our own actions, no matter how tiny or large, then even the tiny actions we take today to nourish our projects, goals, and dreams will result in a sprouting garden and blooming flowers in the months to come. We have some amount of choice about how many flowers we’ll enjoy in our lives, and it all starts with choosing to nourish and feed those seedlings with clean fresh water.

Even the smallest steps toward our goals and dreams move us forward – just as the tiniest raindrops still wet the seeds so they can begin to take root and grow. Every bit of carefully focused action brings our dreams closer to fruition.

What are you doing today to nurture your dreams so they will bloom for you in the months and years to come?

I encourage you to look at what you’d like to grow in your life, and take just a few tiny steps each day or week to move those forward. Before you know it, you’ll have a lush garden, ripe with your own dreams.

Creating what you want: Step 5

Step 5: Open yourself up to receiving

Now that you've shifted your focus (Step 1), gotten clear on what you'd like more of in your life (Step 2), set some juicy and attainable goals for yourself (Step 3), and started taking action (Step 4), it is time for Step 5: Open up to receive!

One of the most frustrating things I've experienced is working my tail off to create something and missing my own boat when it came in for me because I was not ready or willing to allow myself to have what I wanted. If you are closed off to receiving the good that you are working so hard to create, it's not the end of the world. You can try again. But why not skip all that and get good and ready to receive?

Pausing to celebrate is part of receiving. Celebrating is a demonstration of your gratitude to the Divine/Spirit/God. It is your acknowledgment to Spirit that you are experiencing your own divine power and the abundance of the Universe. And that you accept and receive all that is divinely yours. With that in mind I encourage you to celebrate every success - no matter how tiny!

For example, if you are working toward creating better physical health for yourself and you have not put salt on your food for an entire week (because that is what you've determined is healthy for you) - celebrate this achievement by making yourself a card, listening to music you enjoy, taking yourself out to a movie or having friends over for a night of board-games (whatever feels like fun to you). Or just do a happy dance around the living room. It doesn't have to cost money or take hours. The important thing is to acknowledge yourself for what you have done and who you have been through the process.

Enjoy your creation!

Reframing Problems

"[T]he beast residing at the center of the labyrinth is also an angel."
~Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul, p 20

No matter how enlightened we are, and no matter how old and wise we become, it is likely we will continue to experience some amount of obstacles, challenges and dissatisfaction in our lives - even if only on occasion or just for a moment.

If we reframe these problems as opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, and seek out the miracle they hold for us, we can often find great healing and inner peace - something most of us are seeking.

Consider a problem you are experiencing in your life right now, or if it's a bit too close for comfort, consider a problem you experienced years ago. You likely already see how it is a beast - it burdened you, angered you, hurt you, prevented you from having something you wanted.

Take time to journal or reflect the following:

• Describe this problem and all you can remember about it.
• What did this problem require you to learn that you may not otherwise have chosen to learn?
• How has this learning served you in other parts of your life?
• What did this problem require you to do in order to resolve it, escape it, or even recover from it?
• What did you learn about yourself while doing this?
• In what other ways has this problem served you?
• How has this problem resulted in the enrichment in your life or the lives of others?
• What qualities were present in you as you worked to resolve, overcome, or survive this problem?
• Acknowledge yourself for who you had to be to resolve, overcome, or survive this problem.

Perhaps you had to find another way to accomplish something you wanted, and that led you to grow new skills you were able to use in other areas of your life; or change outmoded patterns of behaving or thinking that prevented meaningful relationships; or meet amazing people you'd have never met otherwise. Perhaps while navigating a road block you learned how strong and resourceful you could be. Perhaps you learned how to gracefully accept and receive assistance from others when you had previously felt asking for help was a weakness, or were afraid to ask.

Stretch your mind as far as you can, and find the angel within your problem.

With the continued practice of reframing our problems in this empowering light, we often find ourselves experiencing our new problems differently. We start to recognize within them the opportunities for personal insight and expanded awareness - the hope and promise of bringing us something greater than we could have imagined. They begin to seem like little miracles.

Become What You Want

"You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are."
~ Wayne Dyer

If this is true... then what are you Being?
Are you Being Joy?
Are you Being Peace?
Are you Being Abundance?
Are you Being Success?

What is it about that what you want that makes you want it? How will it feel to have it? What will your experience of having it be like? Find that feeling inside of you - experience it! Become it!

Embody those qualities. Be those qualities. Feel those qualities. Experience those qualities in your heart and find those qualities in all that you see in the world. Translate the "thing" you want into the experience of having and Being what you want. Become what you want.

That is the way to attract more of what you want.

Start Where You Are

I was listening to Sonia Choquette's radio show on Hay House Radio and was very struck by some advice she offered a caller who thought she was following her path but felt she wasn't masterful enough to continue.

Sonia's advice boiled down to the following:
Stop trying to become a Master - it's too big, too overwhelming to take on. Instead, focus on becoming a student and teacher - you can do both right now.

What struck me about this was how simple it is. It's so relevant to so many of us, and when I hear it put this way it's so obvious.

I've noticed one of the things that often gets in a client's way of moving forward with their dreams and goals is feeling like they are not masterful enough in whatever endeavor they have undertaken or wish to undertake.

This manifests in so many parts of their lives.
* I'm afraid to sign up for that talent show because my singing isn't perfect.
* How can I enter my painting into that competition when I'm not even a real artist yet?
* I can't be a spiritual teacher when I haven't attained enlightenment.

Somehow we have learned that in order for our work to be meaningful or of value we must already be masters or experts - we must already be at a level of "100 percent" of knowledge and skill and talent. This way of thinking leaves us with absolutely no place or reason to begin because it is virtually unattainable!

As yourself [_fill in the blank_]:
Is my goal to become a master of ___?
If so, there is more to learn - keep going - it's a journey not a destination! And take time to define for yourself what it means to be a ___ master. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like? How will you know when you've arrived?

If your goal is other than becoming a master of ___, why let the reality of not (yet!) being a master of ___ get in the way of achieving your true goal or dream?

What is your true goal or dream? What is at the heart of what you are doing?
My personal goal is to help people create more satisfiying lives by accessing their spiritual truth and making choices in alignment with that truth. Nothing in there requires me to already have attained enlightenment, does it? No. I have plenty of valuable gifts, tools, techniques to share already - just as I am right now. And as I continue on my sacred journey of learning and teaching, I'm constantly adding more to that tool box.

The truth is that no one is ever born a master. No one is ever born the best singer or artist on earth. No one is born a senator or president. No one is born a CEO, a mother or father, or an Iron Chef. No one is born with all the skills and techniques they need to be anything other than a student of life. And that is just how it should be - starting out life with all the potential of the world.

Where you are right now is the perfect place from which to move forward in achieving your goals and dreams. You are already masterful enough for what you need to Be and Do in this moment. You've got everything you need and you'll learn the rest along the way.

The Tao of Pooh

By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, "There is no hurry. We shall get there someday."

The Tao of Pooh, p 67
- by Benjamin Hoff